I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
