Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
