DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
