So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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