yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
