Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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