You made me cry and you don't even care
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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