I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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