you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
