I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
