i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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