DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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