Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
