I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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