I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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