God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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