Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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