my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
