Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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