the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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