Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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