when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
