careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize