dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I won the penis lottery.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
