Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He? As in you personified your dick?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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