I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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