You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize