That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
