I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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