Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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