Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
