I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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