awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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