I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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