i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I want a musical about memes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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