just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
