i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
