dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize