Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
