I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
