i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will be naked everywhere
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm like, not good at living.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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