They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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