I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
