it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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