Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
