I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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