apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
