the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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