i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
