i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
