i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
