I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
