I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
