i think my tv is drunk
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
