someone threw a dead crab at me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
