The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
