i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
