i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
