His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
