finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
