I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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