His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
