i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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