and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
