just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
