gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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