It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize