Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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