When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
