Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize