wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
