so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
