I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
