it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
