I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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