do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
