There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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