You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
