It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
