I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
