I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
