She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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