I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
