Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
