We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize