I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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