I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
