I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize