I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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