New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
