the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
