My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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