onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
