this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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