I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
